At peace

Peace, mate

• Virtually everyone responds (or has responded) to the question “How are you?” using the phrase “I’m busy” (or some derivation)
• An alternate response to the question I once heard was: “I’m at peace”
• It made me pause and always being up for trying new things I thought I’d give it a go; I found it to have quite an impact on both me and the person that asked the question
• This little scenario was one of many things that came together to help me see the true power of the mind and its impact on our actions, emotions, and energy (or lack of it)
• I’ve also now realized that few people are actually at peace in their lives
• Next time you go out (to dinner, the supermarket, the bank, or the park) take note of how many people are smiling and how many seem happy and at peace versus how many are without smiles or even complaining
• Smiling is a pretty good indication of a person’s level of general peacefulness (Smiling can of course be forced or faked, but it does have a way of being a relatively true measure of peacefulness, since the effort required to fake it or force it is significant (a good thing in itself!) and it is unsustainable over time for most people
• How long has road rage been around for? (It likely didn’t exist with the horse & buggy; Both travel and life were moving slower then)
  
• Even if cut off while driving, people who are at peace with themselves don't curse, raise fingers, or begin to drive aggressively...
• A while back I heard a great message from a pastor about living life at peace
• He was telling us how he had been living a fast-paced life and how when driving he would approach intersections where the light was red
• I instantly pictured myself in the same situation and thought ‘yes, you look for the lane with the least number of cars and the lane where drivers will likely pull away fastest (avoiding, of course, lanes with large trucks or elderly people)’
• He then said, to my surprise, that he now looks for what he believes will be the slowest lane and moves right into it
• I thought wow, now that’s an interesting twist; Here I was thinking I was being efficient in my approach, yet a potentially superior approach to this situation is doing the exact opposite…

Sage wisdom

• I’ve been reading the book The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma
• The subtitle of the book is ‘A spiritual fable about fulfilling your dreams and reaching your destiny’ so you might think its just another personal development book (with a catchy title) about living out your dreams
• The book however has a great alternate perspective on this oft-covered topic with the story told as a conversation between two friends
• I like Sharma and the book because they both have a practical and easy-to-use approach to leading a richer and more peaceful life
• One of the principals in the book is ‘Opposition Thinking’
• Its simply based on the idea that the mind can only hold one idea at a time, and as a result any person can quite easily develop a positive mindset in a short period of time
• To give it some tangibility, he suggests that you view your mind as a giant slide projector, with every thought being a single slide; So whenever a negative thought comes up on the screen, you quickly replace it with a positive one
• The book is filled with a number of great one-liners of wisdom like:
• The quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life
• If there is a lack in your life it is because there is a lack in your thoughts
• As cheesy as it may sound, finding a true peace within yourself is key to truly living a rich life
• And the great part is that with an open mind and some persistence, progress and success come quickly

Practically speaking

• Meditate (Ask me if you don’t know how or have had limited success in the past)

  

• Actively avoid negative thinking, scenarios, and people and proactively focus all you energy on envisioning an abundant future for yourself
• Don’t get sucked into yours or someone else’s negativity; the power to reap positive rewards lies fully within you (which is a good thing!)
• Not that you desire to be liked by all people, but being happy and enthusiastic is nearly always more appealing to others (family, friends, colleagues, etc)
• Even though you may not love your current job, a positive attitude at work can go a very long way and may even get you favor with the boss, a promotion, or an invitation to join a cool new project
• Don’t allow yourself to say that you’re busy and instead substitute “I’m at peace” and watch the effects on both you and the people you say it to

W.I.I.F.M.

“What’s in it for me?”

• I’m definitely not a fan of acronyms, but I love this question!
• Partly because pondering it can help you better understand other people and what they are looking for, as well as the fact that its asked by most people on a daily basis in their subconscious mind

Don’t ask, don’t sell

• The WIIFM question should be the default question explored every day by marketers, entrepreneurs, large corporations, and virtually everyone who interacts with other human beings
• Its not complicated; Its just a matter of hearing your own message, pitch, or comment using your audience’s ears and determining if you are clearly defining what they will get out of it (i.e. a better quality product (even if the price is higher), more clients, a firmer butt, more time/less work, etc)
• The question proves very effective if you market your products or services in such a way that not only appeals to a person’s interests, but actually addresses a person’s pain (Upon hearing your pitch, it ‘hits them in the stomach’ and they don’t think twice about buying from you because they desperately need whatever you’re offering)
• However, the power of this question is frequently overlooked by many business people (and even those that have been introduced to the concept continue to ignore its value)

Experience, please

• I’ve had a number of clients who came to me when they were fresh out of their professional training and excited to start their own business, however had little or no business or marketing experience
• Some common initial marketing missteps were to make their marketing verbiage too wordy, too broad, and too ‘professional’ (not spoken or written in words a lay person can understand)
• Easy mistakes to make, yes, but costly and frustrating at the same time
• The WIIFM question becomes even more important in today’s culture where everyone is inundated with literally thousands of marketing messages a day and this information overload means that people rarely have an attention span that lasts longer than 30 seconds
• In addition, today’s western culture unfortunately permits itself a level of selfishness and sense of entitlement that most would argue didn’t exist to this degree 15 years ago; All the more reason the WIIFM question must be explored
• Nevertheless, cultures evolve (both positively and negatively) and the successful are those who can adapt most effectively

People are it, man

• In leadership training programs I facilitate (a combination of group workshops and one-on-one coaching), the underlying theme, regardless of the workshop topic (be it time management, mentoring, communication, motivation, etc) is always people
• This makes sense since virtually any business and group (from big multi-national banks to your local book club) is built around people
• Understanding people and their desires and needs is key to success in business, as well as in relationships, happiness, development, progress, etc

Emotional resonance

• To ask yourself the WIIFM question on behalf of your client or friend or stranger promotes a sense of empathy within you
• The phrase ‘Walk a mile in their shoes’ is simple, yet nearly perfectly defines empathy in action
• Another question that I love and use regularly is “What are your challenges?”
• It builds rapport, shows you actually care, and opens a dialogue that can take a relationship to another level, professional or personal
• To me, life becomes infinitely more interesting when you allow yourself to shift perspectives, to permit yourself some leeway in letting the ideas of others (the more preposterous the better; talk to me about this if you don’t agree) invade our ‘selfish’ minds and possibly throw us from our well-entrenched perspective for a moment; From this often comes the spark of genius and the spark that draws something out from your ‘brilliant’ mind

Note

• There are detractors to the WIIFM approach (saying it can make people cynical or question the persuader’s motives), however maintaining sincerity when seeking to see things from the other person’s perspective will ensure you remain genuine in serving others

Practically speaking

1. Slow yourself down (A skill I’m still very much working on, but buy into it more and more)
• Schedule ‘me’ time and schedule ‘client time’
• Don’t rush to appointments
• Listen, really listen, to your clients (and your staff's) complaints, desires, and dreams (And then when they stop talking, ask them more questions!)
  
• Build a suggestion box and take the time to work it
  
• Read (books, magazines, industry blogs, newspapers, your daughter’s favorite books)
• Take more walks (without an iPod)
• Light more candles
• Meditate (even if its just an informal audio-free, dim lights, quiet sit at home or in the office)

2. Narrow your focus
• Reflect on a relationship with one person (Family member, best client, friend, etc)
• Reminisce about your relationship with them (Both good times and challenges (positive and negative))
• Then schedule time with them
• By phone or in person
• Go deeper than small talk (Dreams, goals, visions, challenges, victories, etc)

3. Practice
• Like anything new, it takes practice to become proficient at this, so don't give up if the approach doesn't come easy to you at first